Happy Easter. My duck is dead.

The duck story comes farther down the page. Have patience, friend.

Yeah, yeah - we all like chocolate. And it's even more exciting when molded into fun oval shapes and crammed into larger plastic oval shapes. And hidden from you. On second thought, let's just be grateful Easter comes but once a year.

Sarcasm aside, I do love a good Easter egg hunt*. But if your Spring tastes wander beyond jellybeans and sparkly marshmallows with ear-like protrusions, here are two non-edible items that will dazzle your olfactory senses into sweet, zingy anticipation for that wondrous season just around the corner: BEACH BOSSABALL SUMMER.

C.O. Bigelow Lemon & Pomegranate Body Cream** While acai has officially replaced pomegranate as the "in" fruit of the day, Pomegranate is still hangin' in there in this sweet and tangy scrumptiousness. Smooth like butta, just don't eat it.

C.O. Bigelow Lemon & Lime Body Tonic (Toning Citrus Formula) The label says to spritz this on after a bath to "refresh, brighten, and tone while delicately scenting the skin". I choose to forgo that suggestion and instead bathe entirely in it to heavily douse my skin in this invigorating tonic. To each his own. Anyone missing Bath & Body Works' Limelight scent (circa mid- to late-nineties ... R.I.P.) will find inklings of it in this spray. Go get it!

*Especially when it leads to a box full of adorable baby ducklings under the desk, which you then get to raise into full-grown ducks and bubble with child elation over having been gifted such an awesome pet, only to learn far too early the true beastly nature that is the circle of life when one-by-one each of those ducks is taken, strangled and eaten in the middle of the night by that asshole owl that happens to live in your backyard. True story. ONE. BY. ONE. RIP, Mountains. ***

**I'm not paid by anyone or anything to say this. Just payin' it forward, C.O. Bigelow. Payin' it forward ... Also, these products are available at Bath & Body Works and probably other places.

***That's two times I've had to wish something a peaceful afterlife. And on Easter! This holiday just gets suckier and suckier. Except Jesus is back now. Yay! Welcome to earth again! ... watch your back around the owls.